Du Au'

I'm a worm
Nothing
Poor
Wretched
Blind
I can't see light
Darkness surrounds
I don't deserve his help
Obviously
I waited days
Forty
They're over
It begins fresh
Fresh start
Fresh blood
Fresh scars
Fresh lies...

Or maybe old...
The same ones...
I'm fine
I'm okay
Love
Love
Love

I'm deaf
blind
hurting...
Zero days.

Forty Days

Forty days-but I'm sinking fast
Forty days-but my strength won't last
Forty days-but I'm hurting still
Forty days-and it breaks my will

forty days-and I want the knife
forty days-and I won't choose life
forty days-but my strength is small
forty days-that long was my call

FORTY DAYS-I'm waiting...answer!
FORTY DAYS-I'm drowning now, sir!
FORTY DAYS-I can't wait still more...
FORTY DAYS-Are over.

34 Days

All thanks be unto you
For seeing me safely through
You shone as a strong light
And saw me through the night

My strength is very small
Still, you hear when I call
You've shown your pow'r and love-
Keep my eyes fixed above.

You know I've been through hell
So that now I can tell
About your love and grace
To others in this place

You're watching out for me
Your goodness I can see
Instead of blood and knife...
I choose YOU; I choose Life.

Holidays!

The holidays are here
Festivities and cheer
Yet the time is also nigh
When rates of suicide are high

Don't forget the lonely
Don't forget the grieving
Don't forget the scared...
Don't forget the hurting.

Family time is great and all
But when Christmas starts in fall
Lonely times start then too
But we've only time for me and you

Don't forget the hated
Don't forget the searching
Don't forget the lost...
Don't forget the hurting.

Buzzards

Buzzards
Circling
Body
Fallen

Is dead?
Sleeping?
Hopeless?
Almost...

Body
Rises
Buzzards
Will wait

Body
Will fall
Again
Just wait

Will rise
Again?
Just wait
And see...

Paradox

Light and darkness
Joy and sorrow
Happy, burdened
Proud and humble
Such am I

Odd and normal
Loved and despised
Success, failure
Peace and tumult
Such am I

I am not one
Nor, the other
I'm more one day
Less, the other
Such am I

When Us Twain Meet

High and exalted
And so lifted up
God of the ages
And master of all

Lowly and worthless
And only a worm
Sinner in darkness
And held in sin's chains

How could the two meet?
Can they coincide?
One is perfection
The other one flesh

Yet through a manger~
Well, that, and a cross~
Perfect and human
Are equal in one

Redemption is come
Through only God's Son
Flesh can do nothing
The Word can do all

So even a worm
Like you and like I
Can lift up their eyes
And see God on high

Look to the manger
And look to the cross
The God of all life
Will meet there with us.

Sowing and Reaping

Brief time of gladness
Brings fresh hope
It isn't all sadness
I really can cope

And I'm right, i know
Life brings good as well as bad
We reap what we sow
It's why mine is sometimes sad

Because I sowed to the whirlwind
I sowed stubbornness and pride
So why am I surprised to find
I can't from the reaping hide?

I've sown darkness and sin,
Should I reap blessing?
Will God see what's truly within,
As now to him I'm confessing?

I know he loves me
I know he will forgive
I know what he sees
In the life I try to live

He sees not failure but success
Not the past but what's to come
He sees only the best
Because he sees only his own Son

Let Go!

I want to be accepted
As who God's making me
Instead of always rejected
By those who should be first to see

Unconditional love I need
To stand firm in my place
Instead of shaken like a reed
By every breeze across my face

Mother births a child
And with father trains it
And be it meek or be it wild
When it's grown, back both must sit

And if to let go they both refuse
And instead to child cling
Well, it's really just no use...
He'll just go, leaving behind everything

Life Moves On

Forgiven
sin is gone
life moves on
i'm stuck here
downward slide
God, help me!
i've been gone

bring me back
lift me up
from where i've
fallen hard
clear my mind
of darkness
fire my heart
with passion
give me a
purpose new
teach me love
teach me grace
past is past
future fresh
hope is real!

Forgiven

I have been forgiven
Sin's penalty from my heart
Has been riven
I have a fresh new start

I am not bound by what is done
I have been given a new life
By God's own Son
A pardon from the sin and strife

My heart is filled, it can't contain
The love and rest with which it's full
Instead of the fear and pain
That used to torment my soul

There's leaves and growth drawn on my arm
And love on my heart has been written
The urge has stilled that longed to harm
With peace my soul is smitten

I know, O God, it's just a start
The war is not over by a long shot
But let the joy ne'er depart
And let the urge to love die not

Blackness Descending

Blackness descending over all
No one can catch me as I fall
Ink instead of blood o'erspread
Black covers skin instead of red

Leaves around my arm now sprout
Leaves for growth instead of doubt
A bit of verse shows here and there
A psalm reminds me God does care

I could for once have slept
But every time I tried I wept
Blades swam in blood before my eye
I could not but to God cry

Dark hair, dark clothes, dark heart, dark mind
Dark thoughts are really all I find
Within my torn and lonely soul
Only his grace still keeps me whole

I Won't Give In

I won't give in
I will not sin
I want to see
His grace in me

Mercy flows free
For you and me
I want to feel
I have God's seal

So old I feel
Sin youth did steal
Where is the fun
Is all joy done?

The child's the one
Who starts to run
The Christian race
Age slows the pace

When face to face
I see his grace
Then love within
Will block out sin

Lost

Scars across my arm
Want to do more harm
Oh, God! I am so lost!
Too many bridges crossed

I reach out to you, my friend
And when your love and pity end
I reach out to another one
But soon their compassion, too, is done

You need to trust, they say
You need to down your burdens lay
But only few that trust deserve
And for the rest, a smile will serve

I see blood flowing free
Help me learn its not from me
Help me dream only of the cross
Lack of scars is not a loss

Thanksgiving

Sing and shout
Show no doubt
Laugh and smile
Hide a while

Thanks we give
Our lives live
Only one day
Thanks we say

Thanks we live
Praises give?
No thanks here
No false cheer

When did you
Find it true
God did care
Blessings share?

God works through
Me and you
I thank friends
Blessings ends

(Now the deans
It just seems
Have forgot
God's own plot

Love to live
Joy to give
See the sin
Not within)

Childhood Dreams

The death of a dream, no matter how it starts
Is the death of a piece of our inmost hearts
A hope dies, reality sets in fast
How many of your old dreams will last?

We're told to leave childish things far behind
To put our old hopes and wishes out of our mind
But as we do, the wonder and joy of life start to end
And by the time we realize the damage, it's too great to mend

And so we go on in a world that's a little more real, a little more bleak
And we wonder what it is that we still seek
A glimpse of hope, a flash of childish laughter and joy
And you long to go back to the time you were a little girl or boy

But you have grown, and your head is full of worries and care
And the eyes of a child to see are gone, the world far less fair
Pray the Father to give you what you have long since lost
And regain your childlike faith, no matter what the cost

Will You?

Will you catch me as I fall?
Will you heed the Savior's call?
Will you help me in my need,
Be a friend in word and deed?

Will you care enough to ask?
Will you tear away my mask?
Will you dig way down inside,
Find the me that tries to hide?

Will you take the time to pray?
Will you mold the Potter's clay?
Will you still love me in a year,
And not flee at the first tear?

Will you hope when all seems lost?
Will you gladly pay the cost?
Will you come and take my arm,
Hold the hand that longs to harm?

Will you fight with Heaven's Word?
Will you reap the vast reward?
Will your ears hear then "Well done,"
When you stand before God's Son?

Falling

darkness
falling
I thought
light had
conquered
once and
for all.
I find
I'm wrong
pain still
haunts me
focus
on God!
so hard...
can I?
can I
see through
the pain?
can I
see through
darkness?
can I
be the
light for
others?
will God
help me?
does he
love me?
I read
his word
I pray
a lot
does he
hear me?
does he
see me?
I know
he does
but I
can't see
through the
black flames
they burn
they blind
I'm blind
can't see
God's love
his peace
I hurt
hate pain
release
through blood
whose blood?
mine flows
more pain
Christ's flows
soothes hurt
which will
I choose?

Help Me!

The fire burns me
But I still can't see
Help me!

Light fails and darkness falls
I can't see to follow God's calls
Help me!

In circles I spin around
Where is hope to be found?
Help me!

I lift mine eyes to the hills
Happiness isn't found in pills...
Help me!

My focus wavers, drifts
I feel like my hope, too shifts
Help me!

Help me, O LORD my God!
Help me, Elohim, El Shaddai!
Help me, my Rock and strong Tower!
Help me, my Shield and my Deliverer!

Dark Hearts

Black hair
Black hearts
Scarred arms
Torn soul

Hide pain
Love death
Blood flows
Last breath?

You see
Black clothes
Scarred arms
You judge

God loves
Dark hearts
God died
Saves them

Pain in
Their hearts
Hurts past
Blood flows

Focused
Feelings
Feel no
Love though

Will you
Share God?
Will you
Love them?

Can you
See past
Outside
Dark looks?

Will you
Show them
You care
For them?

Take the
Challenge
Live to
Show love

Be like
Christ was
Love the
Sinners

Turn dark
To light
God still
Loves them