Living is not hard.
It hurts
And it's exhausting
And I hate it
But it's not hard
On the other hand
Is that living?
Because I think
Maybe that's just
Breathing
I can breathe forever
I can eat
And sleep
And go through
All the motions
And my body will
Survive
But living?
Living involves things like
Peace
And purpose
And love
And hope
And at least one reason
To keep breathing
Dying is hard
Or maybe I haven't been
Trying hard enough
I drove through at least
Two different states
Last weekend
Where I could have
Walked right in
And purchased a firearm
I even had money, for once
But I didn't
Why didn't I
I regret not doing that
I have many bladed objects
And I'm sure I could stab
Myself to death
But I feel like a gun would be
A little easier
Take a little less effort
Be a little more sure
None of this nonsense
Where I might fail
Where I might just end up
Paralyzed, because I landed wrong
I was lucky to avoid that
Once already
I doubt I'd be so lucky again
If I had a gun
I could just put it to my head
And pull the trigger
And be done
That's all I want
I want to be done
I'm so tired
I can't do this
Why do I have to do this?
Breathing is not hard
I can breathe forever
But I'm so tired
Of not being alive
