Life used to be a lot simpler. I had constants: constant pain, constant darkness, constant fear. I constantly longed for escape.
My favorite kind of book to read growing up was...well, I don't know the correct name for it. I personally would have named it "escapist," for that was the common theme: a young protagonist is whisked away from his (or her, but let's just use generic male pronouns) dull, boring, or miserable life by something (whether war, or good fortune, or tragedy, or a misunderstanding) and into a new and exciting (or perhaps just different) life. You know the books of which I speak: Harry Potter, the Lord of the Rings, the Hobbit, Narnia, books by Mercedes Lackey, Tamora Pierce, Garth Nix, Anne McCaffrey, Robin McKinley, Brandon Sanderson, Brian Jacques...it's a pretty common young adult fiction theme. I dreamed that one day I too would be whisked away.
And you know what? Those dreams I dreamed? They came true. I "escaped." I started a new and exciting (or maybe just different) life. And though I would not have, did not dare, dream who would rescue me, I could not be happier. Most girls dream of a white knight, there to rescue them and save the day and then live "happily ever after." I did not. After what had happened in my childhood, I did not deserve a white knight, or so I thought. But I got one anyway...my own "Prince Charming" swept me off my feet...and so far, "happily ever after" is as good a description as any. What sorrows my life still knows, what melancholy fits and black moods still come upon me, they are bearable because of this: I have found my own true love, and I am his and he is mine forever.
My life isn't very constant anymore. Although there is still pain and darkness and fear, they no longer persist constantly. I no longer desire to escape the life I have, for I am living the life I longed to escape to.
True love isn't like the movies, you know. Happily ever doesn't just happen. It takes work, and tears, and misunderstandings, and all kinds of not very "happy" things. But in the end, you are left with something so much better than the movies could ever hope to portray, something better than I have words to express: not a perfect kiss in the moonlight (though moonlit kisses are amazing), not just knowing "he's the one" (though he may very well be), not a foot that pops or eyes that meet or hands that tingle when they touch: true love may include these, but it is so very much more, so very much better than all of them. Don't be afraid to work for it, to cry for it...or even to let it go if it comes to that.
Because sometimes true love involves letting go. Sometimes it recognizes that the greatest love it can show is letting the other person go on without it. And this too is unlike the movies, for if they portray such a thing, it is always in such a way that it is still a happy ending: misunderstandings put to rest, all differences set aside, "happily ever after." But it doesn't always end that way. Sometimes, when you let love go...it goes, and does not come back. That is the price of true love: it may lead to "happily ever after" and all you've always dreamed of (as it did for me)...or it may lead to sorrow and heartbreak. There is risk involved with love, but for those of us who have loved or been loved...it is worth it.
Before I stop this ramble, there is one more thing the movies get wrong: true love isn't limited. It may only be possible to love one person "with all your heart" at once (or perhaps not...maybe true love isn't exclusive, either), but that doesn't mean after you have loved and lost you are forever doomed to wait the rest of your life alone with your lost love. You can love, truly love, more than once per lifetime...because here's the biggest lie the movies tell you: "true love just happens." Or possibly "if it isn't love at first sight it isn't true love." That is utterly and completely a lie.True love is a choice...sure it may start with just a look, but that's puppy love - cute and endearing and emotional...and bound to be grown out of. At some time, consciously or not, you make a choice that you will love this person "no matter what"...and then you do. And if that love is not returned or one day walks away, it's okay to consciously stop making that choice. It doesn't mean your love was any less true while it lasted. It doesn't mean you were foolish to love at all...it just means that you are taking your heart back from where you had offered it and moving on. Someday, you will offer it again. Someday, your true love will love you truly too. And even if, for you, that never happens...if you never find your soulmate...don't give up. Don't be discouraged. As the poet said..."It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
You know those posts that you start and somehow they turn into something completely different from what you intended? Yeah, this is one of those posts. I'm aware that it is very rambling and might not make a lot of sense at first glance...but rather than coldly editing it I will let my heart speak for itself. Take it or leave it as you will.
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