They try to salve their own consciences, they hold out empty hopes. "You can find someone else," they say. "This is a fresh start for you." No. He taught me to trust. He taught me to open my heart. And now they are reminding me why I never trusted, and what it feels like to be betrayed. Now they remind me why I had walls and masks and kept my heart tight shut. Do they think I will calmly go out and give my heart away now? Two years I've spent learning how to trust, and in a few weeks they've wasted it all.
Because I trusted him. I trusted him unreservedly. I gave him the most, the only precious thing I owned...my heart. My love. And perhaps it wasn't much, perhaps it was hardly anything but it was all I had. It was everything I had, everything I am, and I gave it to him. I held nothing back. But it wasn't enough. I am not enough. And now that they've convinced me of this, they expect me to just find someone else? It took me eight years to find someone to open the doors to my heart last time, and that was an entirely different hurt. The one person in all the world that I loved unconditionally, unreservedly, forever...took the heart that I placed into his safekeeping and threw it away. And then he stomped all over it, saying he still loved me, that I would find someone else, that this would be a fresh start for me. A fresh start for what? For me to realize that I can trust nobody? For me to build fresh new walls about my heart? For me to realize that love, like all else, ends? For me to realize that maybe it isn't better "to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"? Perhaps they are right. Maybe it is a fresh start...just not the one they mean.

So listen to me, now. I've learned a lot the last few weeks. I've learned never to give my heart away. I've learned never to let love in to the innermost parts of my heart ever again, for if they are never warmed by its presence, neither will they be shattered by its departure. I've learned to trust neither love nor kindness. And if love is offered to me, I will never reject it, but it is unlikely that I will ever fully trust it either. This is what you have taught me, my Loves, Lovers, Beloveds...that I am only good enough to love when there is nobody else around. You both loved me once, until you had each other. And while a small, sad smile touches my lips at what a fine matchmaker I am, I realize I should have known better. i should have known that I am enough to love only when there is no one else to compare me to. Now I know. And given what you have taught me...how could I ever love again? I could not trust that I was actually loved, that I would not be cast aside the moment someone better came along. Relationships are not built without trust, and you have stolen that from me.
This is what you have done to me, O my Loves. You have made much of my faults, but tell me...what are my sins compared to yours?