Monday, June 20, 2016

Stutter

Words have always been my weapon
Oh yes
My power, my refuge...my prison
At times

Because I feel, oh so much I feel
And I am blessed, or cursed,
With the words to make you feel too

But sometimes words fail even me.
And I don't
I don't
I don't
I don't know what to say
Because I don't I don't I don't
I don't know what I'm feeling

But maybe if I try
If I put pen topaperandform 
L e t t e r s
Perhaps the words will follow

Because I need words
To tell me who I really am
To define emotions
To make them understandable
To make them bearable

The problem is that what I need
Doesn't yield to what is
And feelings don't yield to words
Nor words to feelings

And I die And I live and breathe and die again And break and shatter and fragment and who am I who am I Who am I what am I...

What are these
What are these tears
Sliding, dripping, squelching
Their salt-kissed way down my face
And off the tip of my nose
To land carelessly
On this green comforter that has known
Far too many tears for someone who
Doesn't. Cry.
And far too much blood

And oh I need blood
If I cannot have words
If they will not spill from my lips
Or drip from my pen
I must needs cut them out of my
Very skin
And yet and yet and yet
I must not.
Too much hinges on my supposed
Stability.

And yet I need...
I glance back at three pages
Just filled with words
But I have said nothing

I am not defined
I still feel
I am still full of
Incomprehensible 
Unbearable
Salt-kissed
tears

And I and I and I.
And I love
Oh how I love
And I will not stop
Have not stopped
Cannot stop
And it hurts
Oh it hurts
Because love is a fire
And I have spent more time
Being burned
Than being warmed

And I cannot cannot cannot
Feel this way
Where are my words
And why why why why why why

Have they deserted me?

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