Tears

I close my eyes, but no rest comes, only tears. I do not know why I cry, only that the tears will not stop. They are not the phantom tears of joy, but those of unutterable sorrow. Sorrow...and pain. Sorrow for what, I know not. I know not what hurts, only that it does.

Darkness I have felt before, and pain, but nothing like this. Never before have I felt this unending sadness with no origin. Maybe it is all or in part pregnancy hormones. With my background, it is hard to tell. Something tells me it is not, but then, something also tells me to reach for the blade in my pocket. I can trust neither mind nor emotions.

Let me try a metaphor. I am a bottomless, empty well. Sorrow and pain rush in, but make no impression on the emptiness, nor does the love of my lover. And so I feel both completely empty of any emotion, while at the same time full of sadness and hurt.

So the tears fall unchecked, and my mind draws ever closer to...what? Darkness? Blades? Blood? Emptiness.