The Conqueror Has Come, and It Is I

I have conquered cutting. I alone. No Savior guided my path, no Father lit my steps. I walked alone. I fought alone, and in my own strength prevailed. So if he was absent during the darkest battles, why should I seek him now that combat has ceased? Where in life has he aided me? I endured the One Thing alone, and alone I ended it. I faced the backlash and utter ruin of my life by myself. He was not there when I begged and pleaded for his love, nor when I turned my back and walked away. Spiritually, I am still alone, as I have always been. I used to be weak. I have become strong. I will serve no master. I will be slave to neither cutting nor Christ. What need have I of him? I have faced the deepest darkness and emerged by my own power. When there were only one set of footprints in the sand - then, as always, I walked alone. I will not say that I faced the worst that life has to offer, though I can hope that is so. But what I have faced is great, and I have overcome. So cease to woo me, my Father! I do not desire you. I do not need you. You were not here when my need was greatest; you should not attempt to be here now. In weakness I desired you, in desperation I turned to you - but you closed your eyes, you refused to hear. I stumbled and fell and nearly died, but I survived. In your absence I turned to the blade, and as destructive as that was, it never failed to answer my need as you have failed. I do not need you. Begone.