Biography

A lifetime of pains and fears
Vanquished in an instant of truth
The fault was not in me
I did not lack for faith and hope
Though many told me so
The lack of love not mine but his
Sorrow his sole reward

He damned me for existence
For word, for thought, for smile
Deception of myself, I thought
Him happy, and I his child
I read his word, prayed for aid
And silence his sole reply

Forsaken, I struggled still
I sought to do his will
I fought and failed his love to win
Not knowing I'd been damned
I turned to friend and elder
To staunch the flow of doubts
"He sends this pain, but trust!"
They said. "His love is your sole need."

But then I really looked, and saw
My soul had been deceived
He said he was composed of love
But now I saw the lie
In all the years I wept and sought
He never showed his face
He showed not love to me
But cold indifference in my need

I reject thee, O Christ, O God, Jehovah
I name thee for what thou art
Deceiver, Liar, King of Hate
I shall never bow to thee again
Thou hast wasted my gift of years
And given nothing in return

So now I make my way alone
I have no guiding light
I search for truth, no more deceived
I now unweave the tangled web.