The Hidden Me

You see the part that shows outside
But not the me I strive to hide.
You hear the laugh and see the smile
But not the tears I've covered a while.
I've hidden me.

In high school they saw the books I read
But never saw inside my head.
The sports I played, though not that great,
Still helped to hide the me I grew to hate,
The hidden me.

The person that my friends now know
Is still only the one I show.
I act the part, pretend it's real
And say "okay" when asked how I feel.
I'm hiding me.

Those few who see behind my mask
Know me, but when they too ask,
"I'm fine" is usually my reply,
And usually, well, it's a lie.
I hide in shadows.

I tried to cut the feelings out...
The tears, the fear, the hate and doubt.
The blood ran down along my arm
And helped a while, and yet still harmed
The me I hide.

And then I thought my life to end.
I typed the thought and then hit "send."
The knife cut deep, the blood flowed free...
A promise unkept to the one who loves me,
The hidden me.

If all this very dark you find,
You're right, and yet the light still shines.
God is not done with me right now,
So I'll trust him and to his will bow
The me I hide.

Now you can go along your way.
You can even pretend I didn't say
All this. I really won't mind.
But if you do, you'll never find
The me in shadow.