Uma, Frodo

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand...there is no going back. There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts go too deep, that have have taken hold."

Exactly, Frodo. Look at me, compared to who I was a year ago. In some ways, I am the same, but in many others, I am almost a completely different person. I would not have called myself naive a year ago, but compared to now, I was. I have added layers of pain, yes, but they have me harder rather than more vulnerable. My fiance says that my hair cut and color make me look harder; I don't think he realizes that the events of this year have made me actually harder. Sure, things still touch me, still hurt me, but I have grown a lot less...soft. I am more aware of the way life is, more mature, less naive. Life is not fun and games, not hugs and puppies, not sunshine and light. Life is pain and hurt, darkness and shadow, grief and sorrow. Life is issue after problem after issue. These things I now know. I can never go back to who I was a year ago. I thought life was dark then..it was happiness and joy compared to now. I've learned a few things about myself this last year. I learned that when the blade is poised to cut over the vein, I do have the courage to slice. I found out that it's not just talk, I really don't give a damn what most people think. I've learned that I am a whole lot more manipulative than I thought I was. I have learned that I can actually do or not do things because of love. I have learned who my real friends are, and who only loves me when it's convenient or easy or allowed. I have let down my mask...and been reminded why it is that I wear it in the first place. And my mask has become better than ever before. I have learned that I am not alone, not unique...and yet I have never felt so alone. I have learned many things...about myself, about life, about people. And no matter how much I would like to regain the bliss of ignorance, I can't. And so Frodo is right: there are some hurts that are too deep, some changes that cannot be undone.